so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
