I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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