Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
