Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
