PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
