Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
