This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
sarcasm needs its own font
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
