he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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