i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize