i think my tv is drunk
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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