She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
