I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
