Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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