Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
another moral hangover. fuck.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
