So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
