I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
