Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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