My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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