She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
