You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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