ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
