there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're too hungover to prance.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
