Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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