i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
