GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
