so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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