I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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