He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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