fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
