If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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