is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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