so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Less talking, more tequila
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
