the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish i was in the wii world.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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