You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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