can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
