He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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