I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
