she woke up with a sticky ear
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
