I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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