let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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