you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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