I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
