Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
