At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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