please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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