can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's always time for handjobs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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