it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
