fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
