I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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