theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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